BULLY BROADS

USATODAY
Written for 9/12/2001

First we had "The Rules," a book advising women to act like simpering idiots to catch a husband. If that wasn't bad enough, along came "Surrendered Wives," a book advising women to become adorable doormats to keep those husbands happy. And now, hitting bookstores later this month, look for “Same Game, Different Rules,” a book advising working women to bite their tongues, soften their tone, and shed a strategic tear, all to get ahead.

Women with brains, duck! Another missile has been aimed at the idea that we can get what we want in life by being ourselves.

Executive coach Jean Hollands, author of “Same Game, Different Rules,” makes her living training “bully broads,” executive women who don’t know how to make nice. Hollands has convinced her clients that leadership comes only to women smart enough curb their confrontational tactics and boost their sensitivity to subordinates. Men don’t need to worry about these things, but, as Hollands says, women must "fake it until they make it."

If this sounds like an ugly flash from the past, it is. The idea that women need to be passive to get ahead is as old as corsets and as retro as “I’ll have my girl call your girl.” It's at the heart of the sexist notion that women must reshape themselves to avoid offending anyone, especially men in power.

The bully broad idea springs directly from the myth that the women's movement encouraged women to act like men. Women who are tough, forceful, and persistent -- the ones Holland is intent on changing -- are in her view just imitating men in leadership positions. But, in Hollands’s view, what works for men only gets women in trouble. Women can solve the problem, she says, by getting back to their softer, more feminine selves.

But as an enthusiastic participant in feminism's hey day (I'll be 50 next year), I'm here to report that I never felt encouraged to act like a man. Back when I took part in "consciousness raising" groups and taught "assertiveness training," the theme was consistent: it's time to break away from imprisoning stereotypes and be yourself. And guess what? Some women discovered that they actually were tough, forceful and persistent!

Of course, when women act in defiance of decades of cultural restraint, a backlash is sure to follow. Plenty of women have the wounds to prove that defying societal norms is painful, and “bully broads” is just the latest in a long history of attacks on women's emerging leadership. But retreating behind the false security of the paper-doll personas Hollands advocates isn't the answer.

Despite Hollands's claim to the contrary, it's been my experience that the rewards of rejecting outmoded expectations of "feminine" behavior far outweigh the risks. Women who are confidently competent, who gain power through the strength of their convictions, who put determination behind their ideas and who communicate clearly and directly aren't bully broads -- they're leaders. Asking them to give up the authenticity of their approach is asking them to give up leadership.

That's why encouraging women to pursue phony strategies that supposedly raise the comfort level of their superiors is a no-win game for women. Men who hold power didn't get there by pretending to be other than who they are -- sometimes difficult, sometimes unsympathetic, sometimes visionary and compelling. The same is true for women, except that the number of women holding power is much smaller than that of men. And that's the problem that needs to be addressed.

Companies that are sending their women executives to "Bully Broad" training are headed in the wrong direction. We don't need to deprogram the instincts of women executives on the rise. We need to encourage more women to rise to leadership by being the powerful, competent people they are.

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